The Journey Of Nearly A Year

Photo credit: Tara Young

Torn asunder was what I wanted to label this post, yet for some reason, it changed. Here is the painful, heart wrenching, painful truncated journey of sorrow and healing.

Last May, Sammy and I separated. No details are necessary here, just a saying a friend and I came up with that would explain without detail or blame. “When God isn’t kept at the center of a relationship, it can’t succeed.”

When I left May 28, I moved with one child to my parents’ house and drove an hour one way to work 5 days a week. I loved my job and was so appreciative to still be within driving distance. Another child moved into my folks’ home with me as well a few weeks later.

My grandparents, 90 and 95, wanted to move to Missouri, (my birth place and my Papa’s) to be close to the rest of the family. My parents, grandparents, one of my girls and aunt loaded up 2 houses and moved to Missouri. I was left in a very challenging position because I was living with my kiddos and no longer had a place to stay. God always provides. Dear, life-long friends, opened their home to one of my daughters and I, to stay and volunteered to homeschool her while I continued to work a shortened day. Thankfully, my job was so very helpful and understanding and made room for me in a different position that allowed a more flexible schedule.

In November my grandfather passed away and that was so very challenging. I got the news that in December Granny was taking a turn for the worse. One of the girls decided to move home with her dad, and the folks where we were living, were going to put their home on the market, so I moved to Missouri. Here is where it gets harder. Did you know that so much judgement comes from divorce? Painful rejection, criticism, hurtful words, and some amazing support were all things the were spread out over my family in the last year. (Note to all: If you don’t know the situation, keep your comments to yourself. Pray and love the best you can. While someone is wounded, don’t kick them while they are down and throw sand in their face in the midst of their blinding pain. Instead show compassion, care and consideration. Those are things we all appreciate aren’t they?)

Granny passed in December and we buried her next to Papa. The divorce was final February 8, 2023.

The end of April, opened a new door of hope to me. My parents saw a need for a change and blessed me with a gift of healing through Wellspring Ministry in Alaska. (https://akwellspring.com/) I am equipped with new tools to bring hope and healing to others as well as myself, and formed amazing new friendships in the process. I do not know what tomorrow brings, but “Weeping may endure for the night, but joy comes in the morning.” Psalm 30:5

Be encouraged friend. Know that God redeems things that are broken and shattered, when they seem beyond repair. He restores. He loves with an everlasting love and I am so very thankful.

Love and hugs.

Tara

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Nailed It!

Last Monday night, there were some chickens in the garden. Our youngest dog is a master at jumping fences and he also made his way into the garden. Dinner was ready to go on the table, and it was almost dark, but while taking out the trash, I heard the ruckus.

I quickly made my way to the coop, wearing some slip on rubber shoes, and tried to save the chickens. There were two in there with the dog and if you have chickens, you know there is always a favorite one. Diva. The favorite chicken was being hunted and chased by Niko. As was another one of the flock. Have you ever tried to catch a chicken? Have you ever tried to catch a chicken being chased by a 70+ pound dog?

Hidden under the tall grass.

I am slipping about in my rubber shoes trying to catch these chickens that are half flying, and Diva flew out to safety, but the other chicken wasn’t as successful. We have different areas in the garden. We have blueberries and blackberries, we have garden beds, and we have an open area where we used to plant corn. There were some old boards there in a pile and as I said it was close to dark that I didn’t see. Somehow one of the boards turned over and I stepped on a nail. It went straight through the shoe and into my foot. I felt like I didn’t have the leisure to wait and run inside to get help. I was crying in pain; blood is squishing around in my shoe and the dog has the chicken cornered.

I ran(rather hobble over the chicken) still crying. I tried crying out for help, I tried calling people inside on my phone, but to no avail. I was finally able to catch this chicken, keep the dog away with my injured foot and poke the hen through the fence gate I had previously opened for her. I secured the gate and hobbled, into the house. At which time they came running because I am not a crying loudly type mama. I was still crying, still sloshing, and trying not to be mad at the people who didn’t come when I was pleading for help.

Later that evening, after getting a tetanus shot, the Lord gave me a vivid spiritual mental picture of the event. If you don’t know, our children are all adopted. Each child has different needs and experienced different trauma before they came to our home. Adoption is a beautiful and wonderful blessing. It is also a hard and grievous challenge at times.

God is always faithful.

We are all struggling with circumstances. We are all being chased by the enemy. We at times have all felt trapped, cornered, or discouraged. We may be bleeding and injured in our hearts or souls. We may cry out for help and feel abandoned, left alone and ealing with problems without anyone coming to our aid.

God rescues. He saves us from the enemy and frees us.

God hasn’t left us alone. He never leaves or forsakes us. He loves us deeply in our wounds and in our sins. He loves us when we feel abandoned and when we feel distraught.

Friend, today, if you are hurting or sad or discouraged or depressed, know this.

YOU AREN’T ALONE.

You are loved!

Love you friend,

Tara

A Rotten Tomato and a Ramen Package

Y’all, I don’t know about you, but when I get a call at work it is usually pretty serious. Something has happened between siblings, or there is an issue that needs to be resolved. So when I got the call today, I was expecting something pretty big.

It wasn’t.

It was, “Mom! There is a rotten tomato and a ramen package on the freezer and only one person eats ramen.Can she pick it up?” Insert crying and fussing for one, and a little calmer voice from the elder of the two.

I asked who was given the task to clean the laundry room, and the task was given much to the chagrin of the one who called. It wasn’t without negotiation and annoyance on her part I might say. I remembered opening the freezer yesterday so it wasn’t there last night. I have no idea where this came from!!

I have yet to figure out who left it there, but maybe I’ll find out who it was. Then again, maybe not!

Do you have any rotten tomatoes on your freezer or empty ramen packets? I don’t any more!

Blessings to y’all!

Tara

WHY?

I toyed with different ideas for a blog post name.  “TOADally Shocking” or “Caught in a Trap” or “Why would she bring a toad into my house?” I settled on just “WHY”

Well, let me just say that at 11:30 pm when you are in that in between bliss of awake and asleep, a shrill ear-piercing scream and a knock on our bedroom door, awakened my husband and annoyed me!

“MOM! DAD!  There is a toad in this bucket!” My first question to my middle child was, “Why do you have a toad in your room at 11:30 at night?”  She responded saying it wasn’t her and she just heard a flopping around and didn’t know what it was. She leaned over her bed and screamed because there it was in all its glory, an old toad.  Her cat was enthralled, and our daughter grabbed it and ran to our room to tell us.  I wondered why she just didn’t put it outside and tell us in the morning, but this was need to know!

I said it was probably the youngest child because I had seen her playing with two toads right before bed.  Yes. You read that right. TWO toads.

I went to bed after asking the youngest daughter if she brought a toad into the house and put it in her sister’s room.  In her sleepy sweet voice she said, “No! Why would I put it in her room? That would be dumb!” and she fell back to sleep.

Fortunately, my sweet hubby went back to sleep and I sat up and talked with our eldest for a bit.

This morning I was up at 5:45 doing my workout, making breakfast and I heard a screechy thumpy noise.  At first I thought it was coming from our refrigerator because it was in that area.  (We recently had a little tiny mouse that was caught and taken care of.)  I left a trap out for good measure.  I looked down and saw a toad leg trying to escape the side of the fridge area.  Yes. It was a toad stuck on a glue trap!  UGH!

I went back to her room as she lay there so peacefully and I asked her again in a different way, “Did you bring toads into the house?” “UM. No.” She answered sleepily.  Then the thought hit me, “Sweetie, if you were to bring a toad into the house, where would you hide them?” “In my windowsill.” was her reply.  There in her windowsill was the empty box that housed the “mother and son” toads from last night.  Of course, it was empty, minus the old sock that was to be their comfortable bed.  I hear her under the blankets, “Man! I knew I should have taped the box shut!” I told her that toads belong outside and she let me know that she wanted them to be safe from being killed by birds.  Long story short, the toad was saved safely from the trap. BOTH toads were released outside.  Sleep was stolen and a lesson was learned.

I HOPE!

Good night and good morning mother and son toads.  You are free to live outside my home!!!!!

I am ready for a nap!

Love y’all!

Tara

Psalm 57

There is not much more to say regarding this!

“Have mercy…My soul takes refuge… in the shadow of Your wings until the disaster has passed. He sends from Heaven to save me. Go sends His love and faithfulness.”

Mind blown.

Go read the rest sweet one!

I love you friend!

Tara

Enough

 

Why do I want to be what I am not?

Enough of that!

I want to be small and delicate and petite and…

                          Enough of that!

Where am I?  Not in a place of contentment.  I want to be what I will never be and have never been.  Why do we do this to ourselves?  Why do we want what we cannot have and become dissatisfied with who God knit together in our mother’s wombs?

Lord, first, forgive me.  Forgive me for not being content with the person You created me to be.  I have the shape and stature that you intended and that is not what defines me as a child of God.

Second, thank you for forgiving me!

Help me today to bring honor and glory to You with the gifts and talents that I have been blessed with.  Thank You for hearing my cries and revealing truth to me through friends and Your Word.

Psalm 36:9. “For with you is the fountain of life.” He is our life. I cannot believe it is so plainly stated and I overlooked it!  He is exactly what I need, when I need it.

He is enough for me.

He is.

Enough.

Enough with listening to the lies that I must be someone or something that I am not.

Enough with comparing myself to someone else that You made them to be and not me.

Enough with feeling sorry for myself.

Enough with being still and hiding my talents.

Enough feeling like I am not good enough.

Enough.

His Grace is enough.

“But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.” I Corinthians 12:9

So enough with all the time wasting and falling into the trap of comparison and feelings of inadequacy.

This is my ENOUGH face LOL!

Love you,

Tara

Taking Fearful Thoughts Captive

One of the kids woke up this morning with nightmares. She is afraid of natural disasters.  She has never experienced one (except a hailstorm) and still is horribly afraid.

I quietly walked through the laundry room at about 6:15 from my workout in the shop. She was standing there wrapped in her blanket walking from the bedroom to the bathroom when  she said, “Mommy, I had a nightmare.” She then proceeded to tell me about the hurricane in her dream. We did

not have a crate any more for Buster, (our dog that lacks all sense) to ride in and he gets car sick. She and Tekoa put their cats in their backpacks. She was just so concerned about having to leave Buster behind because I did not want him to throw up in our car. (PS no animals would be left behind.)  I asked her if she prayed.  She said she was too scared.  I prayed with her and I was asking God for a word picture to give to her about taking thoughts captive. It says in 2 Corinthians 10:5  that^“ We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.” That is beautiful isn’t it?

We recently let our chicks out of the brooder into the coop. I do not know about you, but for some reason when a chicken in on the ground, some people who will remain nameless, want to chase them to hold them.  Do you know how hard it is to catch a chicken? SUPER HARD. (I do it with a fishing net but…)  Check out this video link proving it is hard to catch a chicken 🙂 Rogue Ricky  

I told her that our thoughts run away and go crazy like those chicks. We think the worst things are going to happen! Thinking bad things that are scampering here and there. It is so hard to catch them! I told her that when we pray and ask the Holy Spirit to take those thoughts or fears or insecurities captive, He does so. We do not have to frantically chase our thoughts and fears down, He does it for us.

God is so good, isn’t He? He is here. We just have to ask for help.

I encourage you to read Psalm 91 today friends! It is a wonderful blessing for today dealing with fear.

Ask God to take fearful thoughts captive and live in freedom!  Trust that He will care for you.

I love you,

Tara

Beat UP

 

Notice the quarter years?  I was sitting in line waiting and I pulled out these 2 quarters.  I wondered what happened to the newer quarter to make it look so much older. What has it been through.  It can’t tell me anything, yet I wondered.

We are also like those two quarters.

Sometimes we cannot even express why we are so bruised and worn out. We just are.  How many hands have held those quarters?

2 Corinthians 4:8-9 New International Version (NIV)

⁸ We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; ⁹ persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.

We may face times of peril and heartache, but we are still worth as much as the shiny quarter.  We just may have a few extra scars.

You are worthwhile and loved!

Hugs,

Tara

Grow Towards Him

Why is it that after being trimmed at the same time, certain shoots grow up faster? Is it not that way in life? Some of us rebound from certain things faster than others.  Some of us are stunted in our growth.

God loves us right where we are. He wants our best and yet life can be challenging.  Grow towards Him today sweet friends!

Bombarded, But Held in His Hand

There are times that you are on the right track and things are going as you believe they should and then BAM!  You weren’t expecting that call about a problem. You weren’t expecting the issue with your kids or spouse. Or you have these expectations that aren’t met on a consistent basis.  What then?

What is the plan here Lord?

Photo by Matheus Bertelli on Pexels.com

“I am.”

I understand that Lord. What do I do?

“Trust. Trust that I am working all things for good for those that love Me and are called according to My purpose.”

How can I help when people are aching so?

“Peace be still.”  “You know that you can trust Me. I will never leave you or forsake you.”

Yeah God, but I am being bombarded and so are so many that I love!

“Well, I never said it would be easy. You know the world will hate you because they hate Me.  Just focus on being strong in the Lord and in His mighty power.  Put on the full armor of God, so that you can make your stand against the devil’s schemes.  For your struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this world’s darkness, and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.” 

So, I need to be constantly in prayer and aware of the battle. Got it!

“Get ready my child.  Protect yourself and your family. Pray for your friends. Take up the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you will be able to stand your ground, and having done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness arrayed, and with your feet fitted with the readiness of the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. And take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. Pray in the Spirit at all times, with every kind of prayer and petition. To this end, stay alert with all perseverance in your prayers for all the saints.” 

Trust. Be Still. Pray. Put on Your armor. Pray. Be alert. Pray

That is our path broken down I suppose.  So here today Lord, I will be still and trust You.  I will pray and use Your armor.  I am on full alert and will stay in prayer until you release me.  Give me strength. (“My love, I will provide all of your needs according to My riches in glory. I will give My angels charge over you.”)

Thank you Lord,

I love you,

Tara