In this time of questioning, one must ask, “What is Your will Father?” When all else seems to be lost in the time of confusion, one must ask, “Will You clear the way?” Yet, here I sit typing away wondering about the days to come. Not because I doubt His plan for us, rather what do I do to be obedient to Him. When you don’t know what to do, what is the best option? Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait until His path is illuminated. Wait until He tells us what to do. What until there is peace in the decision-making process. So how am I going to do that??? I don’t honestly know.
These past few weeks have been really hard. Challenging and frustrating. Scary and sorrowful.
I homeschool two of our three children. We have had an amazing year. A quote from Charles Dickens comes to mind, “It was the best of times, it was the worst of times…” Homeschool can be just that! Amazing and wonderful most days, but there are days I want to snatch them bald to be perfectly honest. (They still have all of their hair 😉
Last week, my daughter’s computer crashed. The one that she has been using for all of her school curriculum. In my 40+ years, I have NEVER had a computer crash. Needless to say, we lost everything. Why now?
We had some options. Option 1 was send the hard drive to a team of specialists in a white room where they would take apart every little minute piece of our hard drive to try to save the data, to the cost of $600-$1000. Or option 2, (which we chose) was to replace the hard drive and lose everything. EVERYTHING! All of her work since August was gone.
That left us with a very creative fun week of letter writing, cooking and library trips, to check out our weekly 60 plus books. Though the computer was returned in perfect working order, I am bummed about the loss of her hard work.
We then received word that our health insurance policy was expiring, and they were not going to be renewing our policy. WHAT? Ok. Now what? After doing research, finding an agent, and meeting at a local restaurant, we find that our income doesn’t support the need we have. Swallow. Deep breath. God has this under control. He really does. Yes. He. Does. I continually tell myself. HE DOES. Full time work may be calling me out of the home. God knows. He does.
That same week, my littlest runs in from the shop yelling that there is something wrong with one of our cats. He had been sick, but not for long, and I had a feeling that Mr. Pickles wasn’t going to live much longer. Within moments of that conversation, he had passed away. Sadly, their little hearts were throbbing in and their cries of hysterical pain echoed across the open area between the shop and our home.
Typically we have to bury an animal quickly, but daddy wasn’t home and I couldn’t break the rocky ground with the shovel. As hard as I tried, I just couldn’t get a hole started. The questions came from the kids, “Why did this happen to Mr. Pickles?” “Why couldn’t we have one more week?”
Helping children whilst crying yourself, isn’t always effective. Through the tears and struggle, we made it through the day. Daddy came home and we buried Mr. Pickles.
I will close this post by saying this, life isn’t easy. Pain comes and hearts that once beat strongly, are snuffed out. Exhaustion is getting the best of me so I will close. Part 2 will not be far behind.
May you find solace in the One who catches every tear in a bottle. Psalm 56:8 “You have kept count of my tossings; put my tears in your bottle. Are they not in your book?”
I know we have been covered in prayer and seek that same solace.