Nailed It!

Last Monday night, there were some chickens in the garden. Our youngest dog is a master at jumping fences and he also made his way into the garden. Dinner was ready to go on the table, and it was almost dark, but while taking out the trash, I heard the ruckus.

I quickly made my way to the coop, wearing some slip on rubber shoes, and tried to save the chickens. There were two in there with the dog and if you have chickens, you know there is always a favorite one. Diva. The favorite chicken was being hunted and chased by Niko. As was another one of the flock. Have you ever tried to catch a chicken? Have you ever tried to catch a chicken being chased by a 70+ pound dog?

Hidden under the tall grass.

I am slipping about in my rubber shoes trying to catch these chickens that are half flying, and Diva flew out to safety, but the other chicken wasn’t as successful. We have different areas in the garden. We have blueberries and blackberries, we have garden beds, and we have an open area where we used to plant corn. There were some old boards there in a pile and as I said it was close to dark that I didn’t see. Somehow one of the boards turned over and I stepped on a nail. It went straight through the shoe and into my foot. I felt like I didn’t have the leisure to wait and run inside to get help. I was crying in pain; blood is squishing around in my shoe and the dog has the chicken cornered.

I ran(rather hobble over the chicken) still crying. I tried crying out for help, I tried calling people inside on my phone, but to no avail. I was finally able to catch this chicken, keep the dog away with my injured foot and poke the hen through the fence gate I had previously opened for her. I secured the gate and hobbled, into the house. At which time they came running because I am not a crying loudly type mama. I was still crying, still sloshing, and trying not to be mad at the people who didn’t come when I was pleading for help.

Later that evening, after getting a tetanus shot, the Lord gave me a vivid spiritual mental picture of the event. If you don’t know, our children are all adopted. Each child has different needs and experienced different trauma before they came to our home. Adoption is a beautiful and wonderful blessing. It is also a hard and grievous challenge at times.

God is always faithful.

We are all struggling with circumstances. We are all being chased by the enemy. We at times have all felt trapped, cornered, or discouraged. We may be bleeding and injured in our hearts or souls. We may cry out for help and feel abandoned, left alone and ealing with problems without anyone coming to our aid.

God rescues. He saves us from the enemy and frees us.

God hasn’t left us alone. He never leaves or forsakes us. He loves us deeply in our wounds and in our sins. He loves us when we feel abandoned and when we feel distraught.

Friend, today, if you are hurting or sad or discouraged or depressed, know this.

YOU AREN’T ALONE.

You are loved!

Love you friend,

Tara

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Let Go

 

Have you ever sat and watched an hourglass? I have and it is mesmerizing.  Watching each fleck of sand drop into the bottom. Rushing, seeking, falling to the next place.

I am trying to hold onto sand. My thoughts, my hopes and my desires are seeping through my tightly clenched fists, and there is nothing I can do to stop it. Do I need to?

“Let go.”

That is what I heard.  Just open your hand and let it all fall.

“But why God?”

“Let go.” 

“Let go of the expectations that things should be different. Let go of the control with which you so desperately are holding onto with tightened fists. The sand is going to fall grain by grain. Of that I know for sure. Just give it to me. I will take care of things. I know the cries of your heart and I have not forgotten you. I have not forgotten your children.  Let go of your stress and trying to control things. You aren’t in control anyway.

Choices. 

Will you let go so I can begin a new work?”

Isaiah 43:19 “See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.”

“But I don’t want to let go. What are you going to do?”

Matthew 11:28-29 New King James Version (NKJV)

²⁸ Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.²⁹ Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.”

“Rest does sound divine.”  To sleep through the night without worry and stress would be wonderful.”

“I’ve got this!”

Psalm 33:18-22

18 The Lord watches over those who obey him, those who trust in his constant love. 

19He saves them from death; he keeps them alive in times of famine. 

20 We put our hope in the Lord; he is our protector and our help.

21 We are glad because of him; we trust in his holy name. 

22 May your constant love be with us, Lord, as we put our hope in you.

 

Take it all Lord.

Storms of Life

Maybe I have written about this before…

I have read this chapter Mark 4:35-41 so many times, and thought about how Jesus is always there in the storm. The whole, “Peace be Still!” thing has been a comfort.

What I have never really paid attention to is the fact that Jesus led them into the storm.  In verses 35-36 it says, “On that day, when evening had come, he said to them, “Let us go across to the other side.” ³⁶ And leaving the crowd, they took him with them in the boat, just as he was. And other boats were with him.” (ESV)

Jesus knew there would be a storm but He fell asleep.  Does that mean He wasn’t aware? Did that mean He knew everything was going to be OK, even though it didn’t seem that it would? Did He know how afraid the disciples were going to be? Did He not care?

I have lots of questions and maybe you do too!

He knew all of the things that were happening just as He knows what is happening in our lives. He cares and He is ever present in times of trouble as Psalm 46:1 states.  This proves it.

Though He is near, it doesn’t mean we won’t suffer. It doesn’t mean life isn’t scary and unfair.  It does mean that in the midst of sorrow during a miscarriage, He is there.  In the death of a loved one, He is there.  In the chaos of life He is there. In the broken marriage and weeping, He is there. He has the ability to calm the storm. He is present.

Why do we have to suffer though? Why did He lead the disciples into the storm!?  Why does He allow bad things to happen to us?

There are so many answers to this and I know only what God has done in my life, and only that can I share.

I had 3 miscarriages. One every year whilst we lived in Africa.  I wept. I questioned. I cried out angrily against God. (He is big enough to handle it.) I begged for answers.

I did not realize until much later, when God gave us 3 children that He allowed that to happen, not because He wanted me to suffer and be in pain, but because His plan for me was different.

He wanted Sammy and I to adopt.

I lost 3 biological children and He blessed me with 3 amazing adopted daughters.  Not that my babies weren’t important, and not that I didn’t grieve with each loss. I did. I endured great heartache as did my husband and family.

No. He needed our family to take in 3 girls who needed us for parents.  I can honestly say that I would not have adopted 3 children had I borne three.  He knew that our three daughters would need a home.  He knew there was a storm in my heart, and He was making room in my heart for 3 daughters from the womb of another.  Their pain, their loss and grief was present also. Yet, He left my grieving arms empty until each one of them needed a home.  With each adoption, God has grown me. He has taken me into yet another storm.  Each child brings their own trauma, pain and anguish.  Not that it is their fault, but with adoption, there are things we can’t control. We don’t know what happened while they were growing in their mother’s womb.  We don’t know how God held their parents in the storm.

 

Truth.

 

God allowed our suffering to help someone else with their need.

Sometimes that may be the ultimate goal. We know that He works all things together for good to those that love Him and are called according to His purpose. (Romans 8:28)

We are vessels in which He dwells.

We can choose to accept and embrace the Lord in our anguish, or push Him out of our boat and weather the storm alone. I don’t know about you, but I want Him in the boat with me. I can’t imagine being alone suffering the storms of life without my Master of the storm.

Friend, in your ache and pain, know that at some point things will become clear. God knows what you are immersed in. If you have chosen to stay in your sin, leave it far behind you! Run from it! Change!  If you are in the storm because Jesus led you there, be bold. Know that He is there, in the boat with you.  He is ready to bring you safely through to the other side in due time.

“Even the wind and the waves obey Him!”(Mark 4:41)

He is there friend. Take heart. He has us safely nestled under His wings. Even in the midst of the storm.

 

I love you!

Tara

About Nana

About Nana

We met Karen in our old neighborhood and weren’t instant friends, but the kids were drawn to her and wouldn’t give up the pursuit. She let us love her, and loves us in return.

Karen quickly became the kind of friend whose door was always open, and the coffee pot was always on. She came to our house for noise and excitement. At her home,  Jelly Belly jelly beans and water were always present.  She is a woman who is retired from the army after 22 years. A little rough around the edges, but life has dealt her some harsh blows.  I think in many ways, we are all rough around the edges aren’t we?   I want to be a friend like her. One who always opens the door to her neighbors and their wild, full of life children. One who gardens in the heat of the day, to get rid of those awful weeds.   One who accepts a glass of lemonade on a hot Texas day, from grubby little toddler hands, and drinks every drop and is thankful. One who seeks to know what our favorite things are and pops in with surprise groceries, when we didn’t know how we were going to make it that month.  The friend who always listens, asks the right questions, and seeks to make sure we know how loved we are. She has been the break from reality, when Sammy was coaching 96 hours a week.  She comes for birthdays.  Truth be told, she has brought the birthday many times! The kids found chocolate chip cookie cakes with maraschino cherries, whipped cream , icing, sprinkles and whatever toppings they chose to be undeniably delicious!  I think she has made cookie cakes for the last 8 years!

She was there for the activities of the kids, a supporter of odd requests and purchaser of random last-minute birthday gifts that we couldn’t (or wouldn’t) purchase.  She has a son and daughter in law, but grandchildren haven’t arrived.  She has wall plaques, and picture frames that have Nana phrases. She has our hearts.  So, as she suffers from her third form of cancer in 3 years, we cry out to the Lord with sorrow and gratitude. With sorrow, because it hurts us to see her suffer.  With gratitude, that she has been led to the Maker of Heaven and Earth and we know eternity is in her heart. Selfishly, we want her forever here.  Not for her to be in suffering, but in selfishness we want her here, with us.  She became Nana.  You see, she is adopted into our family and as much of our family as any Grandmother or Grandfather would be. We wormed our way into her heart, and she planted the gift of love in ours.

So this is where the wish comes in. I wish we were all healthy at the same time so visits could be more frequent. Will you pray that we can be healthy to visit as often as possible?  According to the Dr, we have a month give or take.  A month of quiet kisses and I love you.  A month to take as many pictures as we can take. A month to get in as many cuddles as her pained body can bear. A month to share laughter and love over a meal. One last Christmas, birthday and Thanksgiving. One last…

Every day is a gift.  Every day matters.

I want to be like Nana. Full of love, patience and humor.  Generous to a fault.  Ready for adventure!

We love you Nana.

18 years ago

We just celebrated 18 years of marriage in June and this was my yearly thought typed out 🙂 (not all depressing peeps.)

18 Years ago today your wife I was ready to become.

To fulfill my lifelong dreams and build our home.

To bear children, wipe noses and cheer you from the sidelines.

Little did I know that was not God’s plan. Not that I expected easy street, but this was NOT my chosen path.

Never in my unlimited understanding of coaching did I realize I would see you so infrequently, move three times in 5 years as you pursued your dreams across the state of Texas. I had no idea!

Never in my wildest dreams did I think God would lead us on an adventure to Nairobi, Kenya. Across the plains over oceans to walk tentatively through the adoption of our first child while we grieved the loss of three babies.

Never in my imagination could I have foreseen being presented an infant while we looked at each other with shock and joy as she was laid in our arms. 

There on a voice mail, was the call about our third. Shock and joy present again as we heard about her on August 3 and brought her home August 10th!

Moving again. Surprise? No, not really. Who knew we would move more than 10 times?! A small house, a large house and now our little slice of Texas.

Passion. Pain. Tears. Laughter.

Never in my life did I expect such a beautiful puzzle being lovingly put together by God as we wait in expectation to see what He will do next. 

The Shades of Disarray

The Shades of Disarray

By Tara Young

Many shades of disarray I can plainly see.

Why can’t my home be as tidy as I wish it to be?

The hours we read and played today. The laundry piled up high.

To say that I am not discouraged would be a great big lie.

Yet in her eyes I see a glow as first words she read out loud.

Her voice squeaked and screeched as she yelled, “I read! Mom! Aren’t you proud?”

These moments that I have with her are shades of disarray.

The cleaning and the folding will be done as I pray.

Pray that I am worthy of this child placed in my heart.

For in my womb she did not grow, but God gave her a fresh start.

So when I see the disarray, I shrug my shoulders and sigh.

I will get to that, but now, her joy is nigh.

If I wait until she naps, a lot more things get done.

Right now in my shades of disarray, she just wants to have some fun.

 

Adoption-loving freely

This morning, I was on my way to the grocery store with our 4-year-old and I asked her the best part of her life. She simply stated, “I am adopted.” My heart (and eyeballs) threatened to overflow with her sweet sentiment, but since I was driving I had to keep it together. 🙂

All 3 of our children are adopted.

Without them, I would not be a mother on this earth.

Thank you God for my children. Help me to see the distinct gifts they have and nurture those. Help me to find joy in the every day unique occurrences that make each of them just they way You designed. In Your name I pray. Amen!

Loving freely,

Tara

 

Mother’s Day – For broken, barren or grieving moms who have lost a child.

For the broken-hearted mother whose arms long for a child, yet have none to hold. I remember your pain. I remember the sorrow.  You are not alone. You are not forgotten. Your heart is in His hands.

It is ok to cry.

It is ok to grieve.

Don’t give up hope.

You are precious.

You are dear to your Maker and those around you. 

You are loved.

On mother’s day, if you know someone who has lost a child and grieves, let them know they are loved.  There is a despair on Mother’s Day that is so deep and painful.  Love them. Cherish them. Show them you care.

A Mother in my Heart

by Tara Young

We waited and hoped and prayed it was so. My spouse and I to the doctor did go.

The baby not here yet I longed to hold. To watch while that child grew and we grew old.

The inky dark blackness has settled in. What did I do was it some secret sin?

My child, my children, they are all gone. My womb now is empty I can’t sing any song.

No baby to hold, my heart is breaking. My body, the pain, my soul is shaking.

Why oh why did He do this to us? I feel like saying bad words just to cuss!

The empty cold stare reflects nothingness. His reflection reflects his helplessness.

Why go to celebrate Mother’s day as they hand out roses or pins my emotions they fray.

My heart, it aches, it burns with despair. I just want this life to be fair.

Empty arms, broken-hearted as my children have since departed.

Remember me as you see me at church, I am here waiting for peace as I search.

For the reasons of life I don’t understand. God I’m stretched out like a rubber band.

I am a broken piece of shattered art. I will always be a mother in my heart.

Since this grief, God has blessed me 3 beautiful adopted daughters and I am so glad. There is still a small part of my heart which loves the 3 I lost. They are with the Lord and I find solace in that. Safe in the arms of Jesus who loves them perfectly.

Prayers for you if you are hurting. Cry out to the Lord. He will hear you friend. If you need to leave a message, I will do my best to answer you. 🙂 Virtual hugs to your grieving heart.

the family nobody wanted. A must read book!

The Family Nobody Wanted

My cousin sent me this book as we have adopted 3 children. I didn’t read it right away because just the title alone is sad to me. As we have gone through each adoption, we have learned that nothing is EVER the same. 🙂 You are probably saying some smarty pants comment right now like “duh” or “seriously?” but you never know what to expect with adoption. Heartache and love go hand in hand.

Life changes so differently for each side of the family. This book made me laugh, cry, doubt, and lean more on God. He truly is the one who makes all things happen in His time.

I highly recommend this book to those whose hearts are blessed by adoption, to those considering adoption or those who work with foster care children. Rather, any person who loves should read this!

Have a wonderful day.

Tara

Snuggle up

Psalm 27:14
New Living Translation (NLT)

Wait patiently for the Lord.  Be brave and courageous. Yes, wait patiently for the Lord.”
 So how hard is it to wait?

Have you ever had to wait for a long time for something?  We waited in prayer for each child. Sierra was a year and a half. She prayed for a sister and that was about 5 months. Tekoa prayed for Inara and that was a year and 2 days.  We are praying for our house to sell and it has been less than 4 months! Waiting!

We have been asking God in the ups and downs of our wait, what He is doing… What are we waiting for? Why are we still waiting?  When are you going to answer?

I was awakened early by someone blowing smelly morning breath in my face. The words came out so sweetly but I wish it was an hour later! 🙂 “Good morning mommy. How was your sleep?” I said, “Good morning dear. I wish it was longer.”  She climbed into bed with us and snuggled down near us and was still.

One of the few pictures I have of me with the kids! I am always the one taking pictures 🙂

That is where God wants us!  He wants us cuddled up next to Him on the park bench. Snuggled up in His arms.  Or if you are from the south and are dating or married and own a truck, you gotta get REAL close on that bench seat. 🙂 He has us in the palm of His hand and He knows what tomorrow will hold. Though we, in our minds full of doubt cannot begin to grasp His reasons, they are there.  WE don’t need to know what He is thinking until it is time.  We need to ” Wait patiently for the Lord. Be brave and courageous.  Yes, wait patiently for the Lord.”

Maybe He wants to see how well we trust. Maybe He wants to use you as an example to others to show reliance on the One who provides according to His riches? Maybe He just wants to snuggle with you!

We need to be in that place today where we are close to our Heavenly Father. Trusting. Being brave and courageous. Finally being patient.  Easy to say but hard to do.

So snuggle on up friends. God is waiting to hold you!