But God…

Do you ever find yourself asking, “But God why? Why did You let this happen to me?”

But God, why are my kids or spouse this way?”  “But God why did I respond this way?”

I have asked the first, second and third questions! 🙂

The first though, was one I have asked my whole life. As a childhood sexual abuse survivor, I have cried out to Him many times asking just that! “But God why…”

Through some counseling a few years back, I have come to the conclusion that I wasn’t alone when it happened.  God never intended it to happen. It happened because of someone else’s sinful choice.   When the counselor asked where God was in my horror, I hadn’t ever thought of that.  Sitting there,  I began to go back and wonder that myself.  A very vivid mental picture came to mind.  Jesus was sitting there weeping. Since God didn’t make us robots, we came with free will.  The person who hurt me has free will. When I yell at my kids, that is my free will choice.  If people hurt me with comments,

Image result for but god demonstrates his love for us in this

unkind words, or a cold shoulder, those are all free will choices.He died for my sins, and the sins of everyone else!

I am certainly not dismissing what he did to me as OK, or even comparing sins.  It is very real the pain that was caused and scars are still there.  For some reason, that thought of Jesus weeping over a broken 5-year-old girl brought great peace and freedom.  Freedom from the hate, freedom from the fear and freedom from forgiveness.

 

I still struggle with situational fear and panic for my children or myself, and I struggle with self loathing. Perhaps these things are tied to this. I ask God to help me and He does!  

But God… What someone intended to harm me, He is using for good.  I see this not as a blessing in the way that I suffered, but an opportunity to share and help in someone else’s healing.

Redhead girl with umbrella and suitcase at outdoor

His promises remain true.

“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” Romans 5:8

Thank you Lord for loving me, holding me, comforting me and healing me.  Thank you for using things for Your purpose though it was so painful to me! You are always present in times of trouble.  Thank you for loving me in my sin and for holding me when others have hurt me. Please forgive me for my sins. I also ask Lord that you would bring freedom and healing through this post.

In the name of Jesus we pray. Amen

Hugs my friends!

Love,

Tara

 

Everyone is…

Photo was taken in Amman, Jordan 1995.

Everyone is…

By Tara Young

Everyone is special we all have our own way. We are all made diverse like night and day.  Some are fluffy while others look as if a gust of wind could blow them far away.

Some are short and some are stout while others stretch to the sky. Some are a combination at each new time of their lives.

Some eyes are blinded by pain.  While others eyes bore into the souls of the grieving to relieve though too often in vain.

Some hearts are filled with nothing but hate and regret. While others are filled with love and purpose.

Some hands hurt those they love. While other hands repair the damage of the past.

 Some use their bodies to block out the ache that holds their hearts in a vice-like grip.

Some feet walk readily into sin while annihilating the innocent by their sin.

All the while, the abused suffers without hope.

Broken.

Injured.

Forlorn.

Empty.

Hollow.

Dejected.

Wounded.

In the darkness of that shame and anguish, a light shines. In the door of our lives He is standing, waiting with His loving arms extended. He is waiting to pull us out of the miry pit. Taking us from the filth of what was thrust upon us and what damage we have caused to ourselves.  Soothingly He bandages the years of wounds that we have permitted to fester. Washed clean and lovingly restored. Like a clay pot We were made for a purpose. We are created by Him. This is what gives hope to the abused, the broken and the wounded. This is what turns downcast eyes to the heavens. Searching for hope. Searching for reprieve. Searching for release. Searching for the One who makes all things beautiful in His time.  Searching for the Master who will make us whole again.

Jeremiah 31:3  NIV The LORD appeared to us in the past, saying: “I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with loving-kindness…”

I do realize this was written for the Israelites, but I know that He reaches to each of us and loves all of us. No matter what we have done. No matter how many times we have repeated the same act in sin. No matter if we were hurt. He loves us because He made us.

Psalm 139:14 “I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.”

This is my favorite verse and has been since I was a child. An abused and hurt child.  Someone hurt me and it never went away. It has lessened, but the scar is still there. This is the verse that my mother shared with me to help me get through (not over) the struggles that I faced as a girl and into womanhood.  This verse has carried me through the awkward stages. The too heavy stages, and even the too thin stage. (But that was only once!) It still it carries me. God’s Word is alive and active today. Let it heal you!

Father, each of us is so different on the inside and the outside. You know each of us Lord. Help us to search for You and find You when we seek You with all of our hearts. (Jeremiah 29:13-14). Help us to let go of the pain in our past to walk toward our future with hope. In the name of Jesus we pray. Amen.