But God…

Do you ever find yourself asking, “But God why? Why did You let this happen to me?”

But God, why are my kids or spouse this way?”¬† “But God why did I respond this way?”

I have asked the first, second and third questions! ūüôā

The first though, was one I have asked my whole life. As a childhood sexual abuse survivor, I have cried out to Him many times asking just that! “But God why…”

Through some counseling a few years back, I have come to the conclusion that I wasn’t alone when it happened.¬† God never intended it to happen. It happened because of someone else’s sinful choice.¬† ¬†When the counselor asked where God was in my horror, I hadn’t ever thought of that.¬† Sitting there,¬† I began to go back and wonder that myself.¬† A very vivid mental picture came to mind.¬† Jesus was sitting there weeping. Since God didn’t make us robots, we came with free will.¬† The person who hurt me has free will. When I yell at my kids, that is my free will choice.¬† If people hurt me with comments,

Image result for but god demonstrates his love for us in this

unkind words, or a cold shoulder, those are all free will choices.He died for my sins, and the sins of everyone else!

I am certainly not dismissing what he did to me as OK, or even comparing sins.  It is very real the pain that was caused and scars are still there.  For some reason, that thought of Jesus weeping over a broken 5-year-old girl brought great peace and freedom.  Freedom from the hate, freedom from the fear and freedom from forgiveness.

 

I still struggle with situational fear and panic for my children or myself, and I struggle with self loathing. Perhaps these things are tied to this. I ask God to help me and He does!  

But God… What someone intended to harm me, He is using for good.¬† I see this not as a blessing in the way that I suffered, but an opportunity to share and help in someone else’s healing.

Redhead girl with umbrella and suitcase at outdoor

His promises remain true.

“And we know that in all things God works for the good¬†of those who love him, who have been called¬†according to his purpose.” Romans 5:8

Thank you Lord for loving me, holding me, comforting me and healing me.  Thank you for using things for Your purpose though it was so painful to me! You are always present in times of trouble.  Thank you for loving me in my sin and for holding me when others have hurt me. Please forgive me for my sins. I also ask Lord that you would bring freedom and healing through this post.

In the name of Jesus we pray. Amen

Hugs my friends!

Love,

Tara