Life Preserver

“Those who guard their lips, preserve their lives, but those who speak rashly will come to ruin.” Proverbs 13:3

This verse gave me such a mental picture!  I saw a person flailing and splashing about in the water. Screaming and yelling, though I am not sure if it was out of fear or anger. Fear of being alone. Fear of past or present. Fear and anger that nothing ever done is good enough. Fear that the kids won’t succeed. Fear that always keep friends pushed away, because we don’t want them to see the evil in our hearts. Or just because we are sinful, hurt people.  Fear consumes.

Regardless of the craziness, the first part of the verse, “those who guard their lips, preserve their lives.” struck me with full force.

Our words build up, encourage, tear down and hurt all out of the same mouth.

The latter part of the verse talks about bringing ruin. Not just ruin for us, but also for those around us.  This was a painful blog to write about, because of this very thing I am guilty. Perhaps this is the reason I was led to write these words?

I have a challenge. Let’s watch the faces of those we love, crumple as we speak loudly and rudely.  Let’s watch as they shine and sparkle as we encourage them. Let us see their hearts fly as we encourage them. Or, see them chained to the pain as we yell mercilessly.

I want to be a life-preserver. Not one who brings ruin.

Join me!

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Questioning

Do I base my opinion on what other people think?
Do I allow what they say into my heart to sink?

Is my merit based on work? Is my life based on fame?
If it is, wow, that would be such a shame.

Useless as a severed limb lying on the floor.
Doubting, seeking, asking what am I really here for?

Oh God instill in me a passion and a zest,
for this life you have given me, I truly am well blessed.

I think I have a listening ear.
Am I trusting you? Will I persevere?

Your plan I feel so strong one day
can nearly be swayed by one another day.

Yet here I am waiting for you please
confirm what I should do.

In that waiting let me wait
with patience, kindness, that is how I will pray it.

Where am I God? I can’t see where?
I look into the mirror and I stare.

Who are you there before me?
A woman waiting to be what I should be.

I long for solace in my heart,
Lord start today, please help me start.

To be motivated in all I do.
To work my guts out just for You.

On the roller coaster, its up and down.
Once a smile now a frown.

The fear that follows bind it up
Lord fill me up,please fill my cup.

My heart hurts and aches so.
Let your peace upon me flow.

Deepest water rushing in
cleansing me from hurt and sin.

Let your truth be evident
Let your peace be prevalent.

New School. Ruptured ovarian cyst, ER visit and a room full of family. Part 2

If you have ever had to go to the ER you know that the lines can be well… forever long.  I began praying that the Lord would open up the ER and that the line would be short and that I would be able to get in sooner rather than later.

Dad dropped me off to go park the truck and he and my little one would meet me inside.  I walked through the sliding doors and there was not one person in the waiting room.  Seriously NO ONE WAS AT THE ER WAITING ROOM!!!!!  I signed in as I watched people start pouring in the doors behind me.  In walked my dad and my 3 year old.

The nurses asked the questions, took notes, got the allergy bracelets on and off I went to a room.  The nurse got my IV started and pain meds were not working,  but my tears were! I finally was able to just find a position on my left side that the pain was bearable.  Mom came in and the nurse said it would be 3 or 4 hours before I would be able to get a CT scan because there were so many people needing scans.  I remember praying and asking God to open the CT room so that my kids could get home and do homework and that we wouldn’t have to be there forever. 10 minutes later the nurse was disconnecting my IV telling me that they had several techs come and help so the CT machine was clear for me now. WOW!!! Answered prayers???? YAH! God heard my prayers from the ER last Wednesday.

Finally the doctor was able to read the scan results and confirmed that it was indeed a ruptured Ovarian Cyst and he could see everything.  He said he was going to release me and we were out of there.  My parents took the girls home with them to feed and bathe them and since we are living in their house right now, it made it very convenient!  They gathered all of the things and took them home.  I went to look for my clothes and would you believe I had nothing? HAHAHA. They had accidentally grabbed my clothes on the way out.   So yes I came home in the lovely hospital gown and pink puke bucket.  I was ill all the way home and into the night and next morning. I was not able to keep anything down. The kids of course were scared and nervous and Sammy, my hero, was taking care of getting the girls ready for school, making meals, driving back and forth to work and taking care of my puke bucket when necessary.

It wasn’t until Sunday that I felt even remotely human again. That was one of the MOST painful things I have endured.   Though one time I did wake up during surgery… that was painful.

I Still don’t know any results from the scan as the hospital had not sent my records to my OBGYN.  That Dr. visit is a blog in itself!! Still digesting that one folks. I am recovered and back to work here on the home front.

God is faithful!

New School. Ruptured ovarian cyst, ER visit and a room full of family. Part 1

This past week was a big week for our family. The girls, whom I have been home schooling for a year and a half began attending a new school.  My husband took a new job with a superb school district and has not had a bad day yet! Pretty remarkable really considering.  He says he feels like he is in a twilight zone of sorts.  Tuesday was the first day that they took the 1 hour drive.  They got up at 5:30 a.m. and quickly got ready for their new adventure. 🙂 They were thrilled.  I’ll spare you all the emotions that I felt but they were around the world and back.  Though Sammy and I prayed diligently about sending the kids back to school, there was that tiny bit of sadness that engulfed me because I have been with them nearly every day for that last year and a half.  The nest was two birdies less and I had one sqwaucking  little birdie left at home.  I cleaned ALLLLLLLLL day! It was great. The whole house was clean and I was relieved.  Then came nap time! WOW Was it ever quiet. 🙂  Blessed first day for the kiddos and it started again Wednesday.

My stomach started hurting but you know pain is relative.  We went on our morning bike ride with my dad and the pain increased.  And continued to ache and burn on the right side.  No position was comfortable. Standing, squatting, lying on one side or the other.  Nothing would alleviate the pain.  I went outside and asked dad to pray for me and he did.  He asked if I thought it could be an appendix and I thought perhaps it was.  The pain continued to increase and then vomiting began.   I called my husband and told him I needed to go to the Dr. and made an appointment with OBGYN.  It was only 12 pm and I didn’ t feel like I could make it that long. The pain and the vomiting were right there together and it was not getting better.  I called my mom and she said, “Sis I think you should cancel your Dr. appointment and go to the ER. I am coming home right now and I will meet you at the hospital.”  Off we went.