Refining

Watching and feeling the refining process I know it’s supposed to be painful God.

But watching and feeling the refining process is utterly taking my breath away.

My spirit and heart are in anguish and sorrow, yet quitting is not an option for me.

Finding my solace in Your arms so holy, is something I haven’t done for some time.

Running and running a little hamster on my wheel. All I’m doing is running out of time.

My day is so full of activity and wildness, yet I don’t make time for Your Word.

Your arms open wide waiting for me to join You. You soothingly draw me in with Your shepherd’s staff.

Please child just listen to my wisdom and my peace you’ll find when you follow my plan.

But God what am I to do while I’m waiting? Waiting for change as You refine me God.

You rest, seek, and listen to what I am saying. I have never let you down before.

I have a plan so grand so perfect, but run ahead of me and your heart will break.

Will you today listen to the truth that I tell you? Will you choose to pick up your cross?

Will you bow your head and your knee to me? Will you come follow me when I call?

I am calling but laborers are few. Are you choosing to walk on My road?

Let me dig into your heart yet another time and pull from its depths a painful thorn.

A thorn you have kept there for far too long it has wrapped ‘round your heart, and pierced your song.

Freedom will come when you let me in. To free you from this pride that’s a sin.

Bandaged and bleeding no room left for that sin. I am going to take it from here.

See my head, my hands my side? You are the reason your Savior died.

I have loved you with an everlasting love. I gave up my life and left Heaven above.

To seek and to save those who were lost. My life, my everything was what it cost.

Empty that tomb was on the third day. For your sins I did willingly pay.

So for you to sit and pity yourself is a waste of My time and it hurts My heart.

I have a job for you to do and when you’re ready you’ll enthusiastically pursue it.

Now for today take your rest in Me. Only then will you be truly free.

Free to laugh and free to be you which is exactly what you’re intended to do.

Be the you I’ve created dear one. Let down your guard and have some fun.

Love your babies and your mate. Find My truth that the harvest is great.

Be my laborer in this exciting adventure. Watch the darkness flee as you follow Me.

 

I’m sorry Lord.

 

Lord, I’m sorry I have not kept trusting. All the while my Bible sat rusting.

I’ve only been away for two or three days, but I’ve seen Your hand in so many ways.

You’ve brought us extra money and boy, that’s sweeter that sugar, sweeter than honey!

You’ve shown us daily that You’ll always be here to catch that unsuspected escaping tear.

They flow so freely down my cheeks. How long will the pain last. Hopefully not weeks!

In a bottle you save  all my gloom You place them carefully in that room.

You are truthful. You are kind. You always keep me sane in my mind.

You are generous. You are wise. So why does your faithfulness always surprise?

“Lord I believe, help my unbelief.”  To be with You in your throne room I feel incredible relief.

Thank you Lord for forgiving me. For making me more into the woman I’m to be.

 

Psalm 56:8 “You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book.”

Snuggle up

Psalm 27:14
New Living Translation (NLT)

Wait patiently for the Lord.  Be brave and courageous. Yes, wait patiently for the Lord.”
 So how hard is it to wait?

Have you ever had to wait for a long time for something?  We waited in prayer for each child. Sierra was a year and a half. She prayed for a sister and that was about 5 months. Tekoa prayed for Inara and that was a year and 2 days.  We are praying for our house to sell and it has been less than 4 months! Waiting!

We have been asking God in the ups and downs of our wait, what He is doing… What are we waiting for? Why are we still waiting?  When are you going to answer?

I was awakened early by someone blowing smelly morning breath in my face. The words came out so sweetly but I wish it was an hour later! 🙂 “Good morning mommy. How was your sleep?” I said, “Good morning dear. I wish it was longer.”  She climbed into bed with us and snuggled down near us and was still.

One of the few pictures I have of me with the kids! I am always the one taking pictures 🙂

That is where God wants us!  He wants us cuddled up next to Him on the park bench. Snuggled up in His arms.  Or if you are from the south and are dating or married and own a truck, you gotta get REAL close on that bench seat. 🙂 He has us in the palm of His hand and He knows what tomorrow will hold. Though we, in our minds full of doubt cannot begin to grasp His reasons, they are there.  WE don’t need to know what He is thinking until it is time.  We need to ” Wait patiently for the Lord. Be brave and courageous.  Yes, wait patiently for the Lord.”

Maybe He wants to see how well we trust. Maybe He wants to use you as an example to others to show reliance on the One who provides according to His riches? Maybe He just wants to snuggle with you!

We need to be in that place today where we are close to our Heavenly Father. Trusting. Being brave and courageous. Finally being patient.  Easy to say but hard to do.

So snuggle on up friends. God is waiting to hold you!

I thought of you today

I thought about you today as I went upon my busy way.

You are there and I am here I wish it were not far but near.

Your sorrow grief and tears do fly to her away now in the sky.

With Jesus and His Father too, which means she is not here with you.

An empty place a hole so large. It doesn’t seem like He’s in charge.

But on this earth you were blessed with her life. Losing her cuts like a carving knife. Taking a part of your heart with her, waking and sleeping you do concur.

Are more than many each day to bear. Why oh why it doesn’t seem fair.

The answers I wish were easy and true. This I do know He is with you.

On this broken path you walk. Now more jagged and painful you balk.

He has not forgotten your crew He is walking right there with you.

Her smile her face her life was a joy. And one day will be reunited OH BOY!

Your sweet lass, has found her way. I wish there was more that I could say.

Though I knew her not, your family has been a light burning hot.

My life because of you intertwined. I grieve with you, as you are refined.

In the fire that burns so deep. In His arms He will safely keep.

Your daughter dear has flown above. She is remembered each day with love.

Everyone is…

Photo was taken in Amman, Jordan 1995.

Everyone is…

By Tara Young

Everyone is special we all have our own way. We are all made diverse like night and day.  Some are fluffy while others look as if a gust of wind could blow them far away.

Some are short and some are stout while others stretch to the sky. Some are a combination at each new time of their lives.

Some eyes are blinded by pain.  While others eyes bore into the souls of the grieving to relieve though too often in vain.

Some hearts are filled with nothing but hate and regret. While others are filled with love and purpose.

Some hands hurt those they love. While other hands repair the damage of the past.

 Some use their bodies to block out the ache that holds their hearts in a vice-like grip.

Some feet walk readily into sin while annihilating the innocent by their sin.

All the while, the abused suffers without hope.

Broken.

Injured.

Forlorn.

Empty.

Hollow.

Dejected.

Wounded.

In the darkness of that shame and anguish, a light shines. In the door of our lives He is standing, waiting with His loving arms extended. He is waiting to pull us out of the miry pit. Taking us from the filth of what was thrust upon us and what damage we have caused to ourselves.  Soothingly He bandages the years of wounds that we have permitted to fester. Washed clean and lovingly restored. Like a clay pot We were made for a purpose. We are created by Him. This is what gives hope to the abused, the broken and the wounded. This is what turns downcast eyes to the heavens. Searching for hope. Searching for reprieve. Searching for release. Searching for the One who makes all things beautiful in His time.  Searching for the Master who will make us whole again.

Jeremiah 31:3  NIV The LORD appeared to us in the past, saying: “I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with loving-kindness…”

I do realize this was written for the Israelites, but I know that He reaches to each of us and loves all of us. No matter what we have done. No matter how many times we have repeated the same act in sin. No matter if we were hurt. He loves us because He made us.

Psalm 139:14 “I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.”

This is my favorite verse and has been since I was a child. An abused and hurt child.  Someone hurt me and it never went away. It has lessened, but the scar is still there. This is the verse that my mother shared with me to help me get through (not over) the struggles that I faced as a girl and into womanhood.  This verse has carried me through the awkward stages. The too heavy stages, and even the too thin stage. (But that was only once!) It still it carries me. God’s Word is alive and active today. Let it heal you!

Father, each of us is so different on the inside and the outside. You know each of us Lord. Help us to search for You and find You when we seek You with all of our hearts. (Jeremiah 29:13-14). Help us to let go of the pain in our past to walk toward our future with hope. In the name of Jesus we pray. Amen.

He is not here now.

Taken from the book of Mark chapters 15-16.

Sweet Jesus He hangs there nailed to the cross. He willing gave up His life for us all.

He hangs ‘tween two robbers two sinners two low lives. They are quite simply an example of me.
Bitter wine he refuses. They cast lots for His garments. “Come down” they say. “You can Lord you’re the King of the Jews!”
Chief priests, scribes, and others all mock Him with their words.  The sixth hour is here the sixth hour has come.
Darkness ‘til the ninth hour when Jesus He cries out, “My God my God why have You forsaken me?”

Jesus uttered a loud cry and breathed His last breath. The curtain in the temple was torn it two.

From top to bottom now that is from God’s hand. The soldier said, “Truly this man was the Son of God.”

But the story of Jesus does not end in this way. You see 3 days later He was alive again!

The stone had been rolled back.  Two Marys brought their spices and to their shock a young man did they see.

“Do not be alarmed ladies.” I would have been panicked but guess what, they weren’t the listened instead.

Jesus of Nazareth He is risen not here now. See the place where they laid Him it’s empty and bare.

The young man told them to tell the disciples and Peter, “He is going before you to the town Galilee.”

“There you will see Him just as He told you. They fled from the town and astonishment seized them. They said nothing to anyone because they were afraid.

He appeared to Mary, the one delivered from demons. “She went and told those who were with Him” they cried and they wept as their friend was dead now.

This woman she tells them that He was alive but believe it they did not.  But He showed Himself to two more.

When they went back to tell the others they’d seen Him. They didn’t believe what those two had said.

He then appeared to eleven disciples. He came through the walls what a sight that must’ve been!

Go tell the whole world now proclaim me to creation whoever believes and is baptized is saved.

A poem about our adopted children.

               

Way down deep there’s a hole in their hearts each.  A dark place where we try but can’t reach. 

The sorrow the ache the pain oh it’s bad. I pray it won’t keep them burdened and sad. There is a void though with love we do fill. Emptiness we can’t touch but still.

They all have it, sadness it’s there.  It’s something that we’ve never felt laid bare.

The questions. The thoughts. They are seekers of truth. But in due time three children of youth.

When you are ready the details will come. At each new stage we will tell you some. 

Adoption it’s called and we share it with pride. Not something to keep or to hold it inside.

 You are a treasure we could not bare. Until in our arms He carefully laid you all there.

They are our babies and as the years pass, the emptiness breaks my heart for each lass.

Your hearts will be filled with joy and not pain. You’re cherished and loved and never in vain.  

 Find joy and find purpose sweet daughters of ours. God will help you with His mighty powers. 

You see sweet children, you are chosen by Jesus. To fill that emptiness we had when you needed us. 

 We are yours never doubt never fear. Though the pain rushes in and sometimes does sear.

Our home is a place you will always be secure. In our hearts in our lives you are made pure. 

Precious lambs we are your earthly caretakers. From God’s living well be daily partakers. 

  He lays before you on this earthly way. In His paths, please walk never stray.

Treasured and loved adopted are you. You are ours every day.  Every day it springs new.

 God brought you to us our arms open wide. We are blessed by your love. You fill us with pride.

With my tears and my hair.

From Luke 7:36-50

 Here I am Lord a tarnished woman. The oil from my jar is a love gift to You.

My tears stream down to wash Your feet Lord. I am but a sinner let me.

I hear the comments about waste, but had I not done this, I’d have nothing to give.

Sell it they say. 300 Denari I know a high cost even though it would feed so many more.

A balm for my Savior and ointment for Him. This is preparing Him for the grave.

I hear the words that the world will remember me, but that is not why I did what I did.

My gift of love was poured out in sorrow. My tears mingled with the perfume.

His feet they are washed and prepared for His end. I have no towel so I’ll just use my hair. Dry and ready He is going to the cross. His life He has given for you and for me.

Thank you dear Jesus for Your act of service. You have allowed me to live life today.

With hope, joy and courage, I walk now toward You. This race I will finish with refinement from You. Help me to love and forgive as You do. I am but a cracked vessel use me.

I am a battle-ax!

I am a battle-ax a weapon of war. You gave me these children I gladly fight for.

Stalking like a lioness I stand and watch each day.  Protecting ever pacing I daily stop to pray.

Running roughshod over my family I will not allow.  We took an oath and on those days he and I humbly did vow. 

To care for these children three. To run, to walk this path with thee.

Thank you Lord for blessing us thrice though your will and your way wasn’t that nice.

For three I lost along the way in your heavens now they stay.

Safe and secure in Your arms of above. You replaced them with three more to love.

We guide their hearts and hold their lives trying to ensure that each one thrives.

 A blessing my family is this day. Adoption was the only way. 

 In heaven we pray will see each face shining in your glory and grace.

(I know that is a male lion but it is the mental picture was going for with my husband and I 🙂 )

In Your way.

Friendship thought solid, masks pulled away, yet they apparently judged what they saw.

 Feelings are trampled, trust is broken, and how do we walk this jagged road?

 Not even goodbye not sure we were leaving, yet the emptiness still overwhelms my heart.

 Emotions billowing, sorrows they’re reeling. Why can’t I shake these feelings God?

 Anger, frustration tides rolling in what’s the source of my restlessness?

 Change has come Lord it’s hard to process. What is your plan for us now we ask?

 Knowing the answers will make it better right? Why did it happen this way dear God?

 Yes God we know it was not meant for us and all things work together for your good.

 Seeking, searching, following hard after you is what we are assiduously trying to do.

 Trying to be authentic trying to be strong, why does this feel so heartrending and wrong?

 Trying to rest in your promise Father. Your love over flows let me seize it today.

 My cup is before You, fill it dear Father. Help me to relax in Your will this day.

 My broken heart, I acquiesce to you now God, I’m your servant help me to march in Your way.