Phony or Faux Me?


I have spent many years trying to be someone I thought others wanted me to be. Fighting against what I thought I should be, rather than being the woman God wanted me to be. I have tried to please my husband doing things I thought he wanted me to do. (He didn’t even want that!) I was in the habit of being so serious all the time and not having fun.  Do you know how exhausting that is?

I was thinking the other day about what a phony I was.  Not intentionally mind you, but a phony because I was trying to be something that I was not.  Then I started thinking about words like “faux painting” and “faux fur” and other things that are faux.  Here I was being a Faux ME.  I was trying to be someone I thought I should be, and placed value in something that was valueless. A fake me.  I felt so empty and discouraged. Empty being Faux!  Empty being Phony!

God laid it out for me.

“…but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious.” I Peter 3:4

I don’t have to try to be a certain kind of wife or mother. I need to be the wife and mom God asks me to be.  A woman who loves deeply.   A woman who meets the needs of her family. One who is a helpmate for her man!

I am the funny jokester that cries at commercials, cap wearing, has crazy sticking upC9057C55-BD31-4960-A6FE-4A0FF539B3E4

hair now and then, loves her family kinda gal. I can also trap gophers like nobody’s business! 100 and counting!!!

I am free to be free! Free from the bondage of trying to be someone else.

I am not a phony or a faux me. I am exactly where I need to be, doing what I need to do. I work hard.  I love my family and try my best to honor God.

He filled me up with truth.

I am fearfully and wonderfully made. I am rejoiced over with singing. I was bought with a price. I am forgiven and set free. I am loved. I am cherished. I am worthwhile.

You are all of these as well.


I love you!




17 years ago today.

17 years ago today, God opened the door and paved the way. I wore my mother’s dress that day.


Walking with my hand in my father’s, he was giving away his only daughter’s.


My parents entrusted my heart to yours preparing to walk through many doors.


Humble vows tender words recited.


Oh my goodness I was so excited! Being one with you had been decided.


17 years of ups and downs.

17 years of laughter and frowns.

17 years of sorrows and joys.

17 years floors now littered with toys.

If I were to return to this same time, I would still make you mine.


Trepidation and excitement too, 17 years and I still choose you.

 Happy Anniversary my love.

the family nobody wanted. A must read book!

The Family Nobody Wanted

the family nobody wanted

My cousin sent me this book as we have adopted 3 children. I didn’t read it right away because just the title alone is sad to me. As we have gone through each adoption, we have learned that nothing is EVER the same. 🙂 You are probably saying some smarty pants comment right now like “duh” or “seriously?” but you never know what to expect with adoption. Heartache and love go hand in hand.

Life changes so differently for each side of the family. This book made me laugh, cry, doubt, and lean more on God. He truly is the one who makes all things happen in His time.

I highly recommend this book to those whose hearts are blessed by adoption, to those considering adoption or those who work with foster care children. Rather, any person who loves should read this!

Have a wonderful day.


Keepin’ the fire burnin’

Our family has undergone a lot of change in the last year and half.  We adopted. Our car died along the road last Christmas and we had to purchase another vehicle. God gave us the money to pay it off.  We put our house on the market. (with false expectations on my part that it would sell in one week! It took less than 80) My husband was offered a job. Quit his job. Took a huge pay cut.  We sold our house. Packed our house. Moved our family across town to live with my parents for an undetermined amount of time. We put a bid on some property only to find out it had a well that belongs to someone else for 99 years and about 4 acres of the 10 has easements!

So, date night? Pffft!  We had one in June as we celebrated our 16 year anniversary. 🙂

That is good considering but you know it isn’t what it should be.

Sammy asked my mom to watch the girls and we had our first date the other night when we went out for one of our favorite foods! Indian! We had a wonderful time together and we talked about life in Africa where we lived and learned to cook and love Indian food. We talked about life now as we are walking an a path entirely dependent upon the Lord which is where we should always be!

Just like the fire in the picture, we need to keep the fire going with our friendships, our mates and especially God. Without Him we are nothing.

Relationships take time.

It took forever to get this fire going this morning!  Kindling, paper, more kindling! It didn’t just start right up. Building a good fire takes time and patience. (Not gasoline people!)

Take the time today to rekindle your old flame with your spouse. Make a phone call to someone who is on your heart. Cry out to the Maker of Heaven and Earth and ask Him to restart the flame in your heart.  Live in the warmth His love brings!  Stay warm my friends!

Life lesson

Filling my stomach with food that I don’t need is like trying to do something only God can. Nothing fills like God. Nothing fixes like God. No person, no thing, no item can fill the emptiness. God is the only one that can fill a void that is left by sin being cleaned out. If you are empty, ask Him to fill you. If you are sad, ask for joy. If you are lonely, be a friend. If you are grouchy, ask God to make you laugh. If you are heartbroken, ask God to mend your heart. If you are fighting with someone over something dumb, stop fighting and ask God to make you a peacemaker. If you are a “functioning nagaholic” STOP and ask Gd to make you thankful for the blessings in your life rather than focusing on the negative and then harping on the people in YOUR path. Be thankful! Be kind! Be loving! Be gracious!~

Ok! so that was God’s lesson to me this morning.

3 little words he loves to hear.


Breakfast is ready!

He likes to hear the other 3 words, “I love you” but he loves to hear the words, “Breakfast is ready”. By making my husband breakfast I am showing him that I love him. The saying, ‘Actions speak louder than words” truly applies in this situation!

Lord, as this day is nearing its end, (as the kids are almost in bed and alone time with my dear hubby begins) let our actions speak louder than words. Let them not be yelling angry words but fitting words. The right words at the right time. Help us to show kindness to one another. In Jesus name we pray. Amen

Proverbs 15:23 “Everyone enjoys a fitting reply; it is wonderful to say the right thing at the right time.”

Gracious? Merciful? Just? Ummmm. No.

As I was reading my Bible this morning, I came across a sweet verse. It is in Isaiah 30:18.ERV “So the LORD is waiting to show his mercy to you. He wants to rise and comfort you. The LORD is the God who does the right thing, so he will bless everyone who waits for his help.” The Lord is waiting to show His mercy. WOW! That is so cool. How often when people are bugging me, bothering me, pestering me, being disobedient to me do I wait to show them mercy? UM NEVER!
I am always ready to fight. I am the complete opposite of the old saying, “I am a lover not a fighter.” I find I am more ready to fight rather than love. 😦 How sad! I’m not sure why I fight and am combative. I tend to let that part overwhelm goodness and kindness and it beats down graciousness and gentleness. I don’t like it. So change I must!
Another verse came to mind right after that one. It is from Micah 6:8 GNT. “No, the Lord has told us what is good. What he requires of us is this: to do what is just, to show constant love, and to live in humble fellowship with our God.”

Nothing like a little heavenly discipline in the early morning hours.

I then read Isaiah 26:3-4 NIRV, “3 Lord, you will give perfect peace to anyone who commits himself to be faithful to you. That’s because he trusts in you. 4 Trust in the Lord forever. The Lord is the Rock. The Lord will keep us safe forever.”
My prayer that ended my quiet time was this, ” So God, please help me to keep my mind on you because through that I will be at perfect peace. I trust You forever Lord because You are my everlasting rock in which I can hide. Thank you for waiting to be gracious to me. May I also extend grace to my family as You do to me. Forgive me for not being more like You. Help me to walk justly, love mercy and walk humbly before you today. In Your precious name. Amen.
Wait to show mercy to someone today. 🙂

Can’t seem to see the other side

Are there days you wake up and can’t see past the fence? You know something is there, but ya just can’t seem to see to the other side. Life is like that. We often want to see past the fence but it isn’t time. We aren’t ready to see tomorrow. That is why it is there and not here! 🙂  Just like this picture. You see the fence, but you see a blur behind. Don’t worry about tomorrow! Think about today.  Make it through each second, each minute, and then each hour. God has your back! 

                                                    Tomorrow is coming.

Matthew 6:25-34 NLT

25“That is why I tell you not to worry about everyday life—whether you have enough food and drink, or enough clothes to wear. Isn’t life more than food, and your body more than clothing?

26Look at the birds. They don’t plant or harvest or store food in barns, for your heavenly Father feeds them. And aren’t you far more valuable to him than they are?

27Can all your worries add a single moment to your life?

28“And why worry about your clothing? Look at the lilies of the field and how they grow. They don’t work or make their clothing,

29yet Solomon in all his glory was not dressed as beautifully as they are.

30And if God cares so wonderfully for wildflowers that are here today and thrown into the fire tomorrow, he will certainly care for you. Why do you have so little faith?

31“So don’t worry about these things, saying, ‘What will we eat? What will we drink? What will we wear?’ 32These things dominate the thoughts of unbelievers, but your heavenly Father already knows all your needs.

 33Seek the Kingdom of Godd above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need.

34“So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today.

The tower.

My 3-year-old was building with some little tykes blocks and was very frustrated because they would not stand up and stay put where she placed them.  Frustration turned to anger until finally she just gave a huge “ARRRG” and started throwing them back in the box muttering unintelligible 3-year-old ramblings.  I tried helping her strengthen the base so they wouldn’t fall so quickly. I showed her some different ways to make it work.  She tore down each attempt of mine to do her own and she forcefully told me “NO! I will do it myself!” I allowed her to do just that. There were many attempts and toppled towers but in the end, she had to make a choice based on my help or her own. She finally came to lay it down on the floor and attach them all instead of trying to make them all stand up.

Aren’t we that way with God?  We hear our friends sharing their life wisdom with us, but do we really listen?  Do we listen as they share about their past mistakes? Do we try to learn from their mistakes so we don’t have to suffer unnecessarily?  Do we grab our lives back and say we won’t listen to their advice.

  God sends godly people into our lives to help us. God also speaks to us through His word.  He is trying to help us!  We can choose to follow God and build the sort of “tower” He wants us to or we can try, and fail in our own strength to build a tower that won’t stand up under any pressure.  Are you letting God build your tower?  Am I?  Yield your life to Him and He will create something beautiful in you and through you. Let God show you His wisdom and give Him back the blue prints of your tower.

Proverbs 24:3-6 (MSG)

 3-4 It takes wisdom to build a house, and understanding to set it on a firm foundation;
It takes knowledge to furnish its rooms with fine furniture and beautiful draperies.

 5-6 It’s better to be wise than strong; intelligence outranks muscle any day.
Strategic planning is the key to warfare; to win, you need a lot of good counsel.

What am I going to be when I grow up?

There are many times through my life that I have asked that question and been asked the question, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” I never really knew. I searched. I traveled and I dreamed but I didn’t know what I was going to be.

I knew that I wanted children and I knew I wanted to marry, but honestly, past that, I didn’t know what I wanted. 

I took a picture of this sunflower because there was a bud and a sunflower that had already bloomed next to it.  It made me think that I am now what I am intended to be when I grew up. I am nearly 40 so I think that is a grown up enough to determine what I should be. 🙂  I am the person that God made me to be. Through the trials and hardships, through the good and the bad, I am me. I am the sunflower that bloomed.  I don’t have a title or a tag or a category. I am just me. I happen to be a mom, a wife, and a friend. I am a sister, a cousin a niece, a neighbor, and a granddaughter. Those are all me. 

It isn’t what you think you should be, it is who and what you are. You and I are creations of God. Made in His image for His pleasure.  Revelation 4:11 “You are worthy, our Lord and God, to receive glory and honor and power, for you created all things, and by your will they were created and have their being.”

You are a sunflower!  Bask in the Son!